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amalgamation

February 20, 2009

I discovered this meme on Dooce.com, and thought it might be fun to talk about my marriage for a while. Sit back, relax, and enjoy a bird’s eye view of our life together.

What are your middle names?

His middle name is Stephen (not Steven; God forbid you write Steven.) My middle name is Jane. Yes, as in SEE JANE RUN.

How long have you been together?

That answer to this question is somewhat elusive. I know that we met in October of 2003, moved in together September 2004, but we were still “friends” at that point. There wasn’t a moment where we realized we were meant to be together—it just happened, you know, like when your aunt runs over your foot with her silver Beemer.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

Again, this isn’t an exact science, but I think we knew each other for about a year and a half. Give or take. I was drunk for most of that 18-month period, so you might be better off asking him.

Who asked whom out?

That’s an impossible question to answer because we never dated. We were living together when we became romantically involved, so our dates consisted of ordering pizza and watching WWE Raw. Would someone please ask him why he never takes me anywhere fancy?

How old are each of you?

Ten long years separates us. He’s 35 (will be 36 in May) and I’m 26 (as of January). I chose to marry an older man because most men my age bore me to tears. Or drive me crazy. Or both. Usually both.

Which siblings do you see the most?

My husband has two sisters and a brother, and I have one sister. I would say that we see my sister most often, and we don’t ever see his sisters.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

Money. Isn’t it always money? I would like to be the type of person who can rise about financial worry and enjoy my life with my husband regardless of whether or not we can pay the rent, but this just isn’t the case. I’m a worrier, and this creates a subtle but steady strain on our relationship. My husband is not a worrier, so I guess the fault in this situation lies with me.

Did you go to the same school?

Hardly. My husband was raised in Channelview, Texas, while I grew up in Edmond, Oklahoma, and Katy, Texas. He attended college at the University of Houston, while I headed north to Sam Houston State.

Are you from the same hometown?

Not by normal definitions, but essentially we are. Both Katy and Channelview are considered part of the Houston metro area.

Who is smarter?

Steve is more street smart and logical, while I am more book smart and creative. It evens out. Essentially, if I can’t solve a problem, he can, and vice versa. Steve can visit a home or business and know how to get there for the rest of his life, while I can’t even read a map. That is one thing I will always admire about him. He can also fix cars, build things and solve math problems in his head.

Who is the most sensitive?

We are actually both very sensitive, very quick to take offense, but I think I come out ahead in this regard. The littlest things can affect me in a powerful way, and I tend to overreact. Perhaps it’s the empathetic writer in me.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We really don’t eat out very often, preferring take-out to dining in a restaurant. We sometimes order pizza or pick up sandwiches, though we do like Red Lobster on occasion.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled as a couple?

Aiken, South Carolina. If this isn’t evidence of our extraordinary bond, I don’t know what is. Six months after we met, my husband followed me to Aiken for a job training horses.

Who has the craziest exes?

I think we come out evenly on this score. I’ve never met any of my husband’s exes, though he has met two of mine. The guy I was dating when I met my husband thought he could do magic and was convinced he was the reincarnation of King Arthur. I won’t talk about his exes because he wouldn’t appreciate it, but suffice to say some of them are out-of-this-world crazy.

Who has the worst temper?

Me again. Is anyone else wondering why he married me? Actually, my temper is quickest to ignite, but his is far more lethal once provoked. Fortunately, however, we very rarely get angry with each other.

Who does the cooking?

He does, and believe me when I say HIS TASTE BUDS THANK ME. He does the cooking, and I clean up afterward. Unless, of course, the menu includes macaroni in a box or ramen noodles.

Who is the neat freak?

I am, but only about certain things. Socks must be folded a certain way, trash must immediately be placed in its appropriate receptacle and my desk must be free of clutter. Other than that, we tend to let the crap pile up until one of us can’t stand it anymore.

Who is more stubborn?

I’m inclined to say that he is, while he would probably point the finger at me. He’s a Taurus and I’m an Aquarius, so the stars are aligned with him on this one, but I’ve been compared to a mule more times than I’d like to count.

Who hogs the bed?

I do! With pride! I’ve gotten to the point where I’m completely comfortable with my wacky sleeping habits, and he doesn’t seem to mind either. I’m a very active sleeper, rolling this way and that every five minutes, and I tend to fall asleep without any covers, then systematically yank them over me during the night. Poor guy.

Who wakes up earlier?

My husband is a natural night owl, but that’s all changed in the last two weeks. He switched jobs from a night shift position to a 7:30-4:30 one, so he’s up at 6 a.m. every morning. I wake up somewhere between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m., depending on how early I went to bed.

Where was your first date?

I guess our first real date was Red Lobster, where we ate a very leisurely brunch the morning after our wedding. We’d been to restaurants, concerts and other public venues in the past, but I would never really classify any of them as dates. We jumped from friends to lovers after living together for quite some time.

Who is more jealous?

Neither one of us. We don’t even bother with it.

How long did it take to get serious?

Five minutes? Ten? When you’ve been sharing living space for six months prior to starting a relationship, there’s no time (or need) for casual.

Who eats more?

I’d say we’re about even. Except when I have a deadline looming and I crave Cheetos with ketchup. You say, “Eww, gross,” but have you tried it?

Who does the laundry?

We share it. Isn’t that so cute you could JUST DIE? Seriously, though, neither one of us enjoys laundry, so we split it up. He isn’t allowed to load the washer, though, because he never remembers to turn things right-side-out. Drives me NUTS.

Who’s better with the computer?

I’d say I am. I’m a faster typist and I’m far more knowledgeable of the Internet and software programs we use.

Who drives when you are together?

He does. Always. Without a doubt. I don’t enjoy driving and I’m extremely impatient when it comes to traffic. And before you ask, yes, we hold hands in the car, mostly because he’s trying to keep my hands busy so I can’t flip people off out the passenger side window.

There you have it! My relationship in a nutshell, complete with a few embarrassing revelations that you are NOT TO REPEAT. Hear me?

So what’s your relationship like? I want to know.

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